I can’t lie to you. I used to be a runner. And I was for almost all my life. Now I’m not talking about the type of runner that grinds every day for miles and miles. No no. I’m the type who, when faced with a problem, just liked to move somewhere new. I was so excited at the ripe age of fifteen to get away from my awkward self that I jumped at the idea of leaving CO and moving to AZ. Then in AZ I found I missed my friends in CO as I couldn’t establish those deep friendships in AZ, so I begged my mom to move me back to CO. I think she thought about it but by the end of my sophomore year, I had a huge crush on a boy, and I wanted to stay. I stayed through college, making amazing friendships! But after college? I had my heart broken by my first adult love. I knew I wanted to move to LA to pursue a singing career, but that break up pushed me over the edge. And I’m grateful every day for it. But running from a relationship wasn’t the best reason to leave! My last time running was from LA after a problem with band members. Detailed story, but I just wanted to live a life with more peace and less superficialness. I haven’t moved since, but boy have I thought about it!
The thing is? With all those moves, I was running from something; scared to face it head on. Of course, I’ve always been excited for new adventures! But I was leaving for all the wrong reasons. And it hit me about 6 years ago (as I was beginning to get the running itch. I think there’s a name for that!) that running wasn’t the answer. That my problems would follow me. And hardest of all…my problems were things that I had to fix within myself. I kept making the running about things that others did. I was the victim. My problems ultimately resided within me. And once I figured out that another move wasn’t going to fix things, I knew it was time to get to work! I love trying to figure myself out! It’s a daily adventure! And it’s never ending
What I have had to ask myself through the years though is…why am I running? And then I have to sit with it. It’s sooooo incredibly uncomfortable. But I have learned that there’s a lot of discomfort in life. And if we don’t sit through it, we don’t grow and more importantly…we don’t learn. Covid was a huge test for me in this area. I was completely alone for thirty days. There was no escape. No friends’ houses to go over to. No family that I could cheat the lockdown with. Talk about having to learn to live in my own uncomfortableness! It wasn’t fun. But it was necessary. I learned so much about myself! The biggest and best thing I learned? I can be alone. Do I like it? Not always. But sometimes? Being alone feels really good! And I love it! I just prefer being able to choose my alone time!
It has me thinking though, how many other things have I been running from because the thought of it makes me uncomfortable? How many things have I missed out of because I was scared to be uncomfortable? Because I was scared of that icky feeling being uncomfortable brings. Life is such a fun journey! Many of the things I have experienced and done in my life are because I choose to be uncomfortable. Discomfort doesn’t last that long. But in the moment? It can feel like forever! Like you’ll never possibly survive. But when you do make it through it? It feels like you are so strong! Believe me, I have to face my discomforts daily. And I always feel like running at the first onset. But I don’t! I face those fears head on. I walk through the discomfort. And each time, I come out just fine, and stronger! I not only survive, but I thrive and I learn. Most importantly I grow. So, I’ve learned, fighting is way more rewarding than running. So, I’ve given up my running shoes and have become a fighter! Who’s ready to fight with me!?!?